Have you ever been curious about how to balance relationships and your sex life with your business, money, and personal growth? In this blog post, I’m diving deep into these “taboo” topics and giving it to you straight based on my own personal experiences in navigating codependency, my relationship, sex, business, polarity, and magnetic feminine energy. The good news is that it is 100% possible to be in a thriving, committed relationship while building a successful AF business, and this blog post will help you discover how!
I know so many women are building their dream businesses while being in a partnership, dating, or while they’re still single. Each of these scenarios brings up a very different energy, which is why I think it’s so important to talk about these topics and be open about them.
I started my coaching business before I met my amazing partner, Kurt, so I’ve experienced all of these different energies. When I started my business in 2016, I had just left my 9 to 5 career in architecture and was really just dabbling in my business. I never thought I would be a wildly successful entrepreneur and just thought I was doing my own thing for fun. I dabbled in design and photography before I found personal training, and it was through my personal training and nutrition coaching that I realized I truly wanted to start an online business and help people.
At the time, I had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship with a man who was much older than me. While our relationship was not planned or conventional, we had a soulmate connection that I couldn’t deny. During this time, I lost a lot of friends because I chose him. We spent a ton of time together and it was wonderful… until it wasn’t.
At a certain point, I realized that I had too much energy and he wasn’t able to keep up with me. I knew that I wanted a family and a long-term relationship, and deep down, I knew I had to get out in order to find that. I made the decision to break things off, which was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done.
Nothing was wrong with him or our relationship, other than the fact that I knew deep down that it wasn’t meant to be. We ended up breaking up on my 26th birthday and it truly felt like a death. He was the one person who believed in me and encouraged me to build my business when I was so insecure. To this day, I am still so grateful for him and that relationship. I truly believe I wouldn’t be where I am today and in my beautiful relationship with my now fiancé, Kurt, without him.
I believe that after a relationship ends, you need space and time to become friends again, which is what we had to do. His words of affirmation over me were everything I needed, as I had zero self-worth or inner confidence at the time.
During this tough time in my life is when I saw a lot of people’s true colors in my life. So many of my college friends didn’t support our relationship or even want to be around me. This made me feel sad, lost, and even more insecure. At the same time, it helped me realize that these were never going to be my people for life because they weren’t there to hold space for me through the toughest of times. In a way, that relationship showed me who my true friends were, and I still have many of those OG friends by my side still today, which I’m forever grateful for.
After navigating my feelings of loss and grief after that relationship ended, I spent from ages 26 to 29 when I met Kurt, pouring everything, all of my time, energy, and money into my business. I was in my single era and I wasn’t interested in meeting someone. I really didn’t know who I was at the time and was really enjoying my single life. I was doing a lot of soul traveling and working with epic clients in my personal training business and just living my damn life. I was getting so strong both physically and in my business. I felt like I was finally shining again, being such a badass, independent boss babe. I didn’t think I needed anyone else at the time.
Looking back now, I see that I had become codependent in my last relationship and had struggled with a very anxious attachment to him. I also became very disconnected from my sexuality and feminine cycle. I remember cursing mother nature and what it meant to be a woman. I felt like men were just a nuisance and distraction in my life.
I saw my friends dating and coming into relationships and I began to learn what a secure attachment style relationship looked like, one where each person in the relationship knows that they're whole and complete on their own, while still loving each other and depending on each other for emotional regulation and moving through certain things.
A secure attachment relationship means you are living your own life and you’re also with the other person. It’s like an interdependence that I knew I wanted for my own life. I began manifesting this relationship and thinking about what I wanted this to look like. I wanted us both to be cool, dope, explorers, adventurers, and have hobbies together, while still being able to confidently do our own thing.
Fast forward to 2019 when I met Kurt and we totally hit it off. We’ve been together for 4 ½ years now and are happily engaged and living our kickass van life together. We aren’t rushing the wedding and are just truly living life, enjoying each other, and growing both individually and together.
Over the past few years of diving into personal development, I’ve learned that there is a fine balance between relationships, sex, and business. When I got into a relationship with Kurt, after that initial 6 month year period, things shifted in my relationship. I had to navigate trying to run a business, be myself, and also be in a relationship and pour energy into that while staying in my feminine energy and keeping the attraction alive.
I wanted to be both a successful business owner and have a successful relationship, and I truly believe you can have both. It requires being intentional with your energy and how you show up in different parts of your life, but it’s so worth it. The way that I like to think about it is, in my business when I'm doing things, I'm much more in my masculine energy. In my relationship, I'm much more in my feminine energy and surrendering to the masculine energy of my partner. I’m less about leading and doing and more about softening and receiving. This has been a long journey of realizing that I don't have to force things, and you don't either. What is meant for you will find you, in both business and relationships.
As high achieving women, we tend to force things, push things, and are often impatient. This leads to us feeling like we have to do certain things or change our men. However, so much greatness comes from surrendering, stepping into your feminine energy, and letting good come to you. These tendencies often spur from our past, our traumas, and our wounds.
When you are operating in secure attachment and being in your feminine energy in your business and relationship, you know you are enough, you are whole, complete, and worthy of everything you desire.
My relationship with Kurt has been the biggest catalyst for growth in my journey because he's a very securely attached man. He is very embodied in his masculine energy. Being in a relationship with Kurt has made me more secure in myself, and I am a completely different woman being with him because he trusts me, he sees me, he loves me, he doesn't worry about me, and he doesn't try to change me.
In the beginning of our relationship, I tried to change him so many damn times because of my codependent tendencies, which I learned can really ruin the polarity of a relationship, which is that magnetic energy that attracts your feminine energy and their masculine energy.
If you want to have a good sex life and an incredible relationship with your man, you have to stop telling him how to live his life. You either need to accept him and love him as he is, or find somebody else. It’s a man’s inherent nature to provide and lead and it’s a woman’s nature to want to be protected, safe, and taken care of. The more trusting you can be with each other, the more likely you’ll be to have that sexual attraction and intimacy.
As a woman, I’ve learned how important it is to get out of your head and stop controlling everything, from your man to your business, and everything in between. It’s all about coming back to a place of deep trust and alignment and allowing yourself to receive pleasure.
In terms of balancing sex, relationships, and business, it’s all about finding what feels good for you as a couple. There’s no magic number of times you should have sex every month. However, for Kurt and I, I always know when things are off in our relationship if we haven't had sex in at least a week. That tells me that our polarity is off and we need to reconnect in that intimate way and that I need to create more magnetism and pleasure in my life as a woman. You can’t expect someone else to be into you if you’re not into yourself. You need to feel secure in yourself in order to feel security with your partner.
As life goes on and you and your partner build a life together, build businesses, have kids, etc, it’s so important to commit to at least 90 minutes of uninterrupted time each week to just be together, get curious about each other, and reconnect. Kurt and I have committed to this and it is truly life-changing! As someone who loves her business and sees so many possibilities, this time together has been so good for me to slow down and work on our relationship just like I would my business. It is challenging to balance both when you are so driven and when you have such a big vision for what you're building, but when you have someone who loves you so much, the challenge is so worth it.
Kurt has changed my life in so many ways. He’s made me become more of my authentic self, come into my own self worth, and develop a much more secure attachment style while healing my co-dependency. He's truly helped me come into my womanhood.
I look at sex, relationships, and business as a sort of circle of life. They all work together to create one big magical experience that we call life. The purpose of building a business and making money is to build a life and have experiences with those that you love.
I hope this blog post has helped you think about how you are showing up in your business and relationships and how you can create a beautiful balance so you and your partner can grow together AND in your own independence and dreams.
If you’re not in a relationship yet, I hope this inspires you to get really clear on what you really want in your relationship, because you don't have to settle. You can be a successful business owner AND have an amazing, fulfilling, healthy relationship.
If you’re looking for a safe, supportive container to explore this topic and so much more, be sure to check out my Conscious Creators monthly membership, a space for high achieving women craving community, confidence, and the tools to master their mindset and build their dream lives and businesses, without the HARD.